| Dan Bazier January '10 |
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The Blame Game I think it’s time that we recognize the new national sport – The Blame Game. Actually, there’s nothing new about this favorite American pastime. In fact, it’s not even ours, gringo. It’s human nature. Students of anthropology will attest to this tradition of conflict, ever since the index finger first uncurled into an accusatory pointing gesture, and the extended middle finger unlocked previously uncharted joys of nonverbal communication. Getting to the core of the matter, whom may we blame for the devastating decline in sales of new motorcycles? The global economy? Wall Street? The financing scam known as creative mortgaging? The lack of low seat heights in all but metric cruisers and Harleys? Let’s analyze a portion of history to solve this. Several years ago, a Japanese automaker CEO was quoted as saying “American autoworkers are lazy.” The outrage was palpable. Assemblers and engineers at Ford and Chevy factories hid their Toyotas several blocks away from employee-only parking lots, and had invigorating, oxygenating fast-walks before and after each work shift. Strictly for health, you see. In fact, it’s probably healthier to not get gang-beaten by co-workers. In any event, feelings were hurt. Hmmmmmm, an anti-union slur from Japan’s finest, who allegedly employ their people for life, never even considering lay-offs? Naww. I think it all started with the U.S. Navy. You see, Jolly Olde Japanne existed in a bubble of self-imposed isolation from the mid-seventeenth century until just before the American Civil War. Citizens were forbidden to leave without royal permission. To do so would risk certain death. Unlike their copycats many years later in North Korea, foreigners and foreign trade were also forbidden. But then along came Commodore Matthew Perry, USN, in 1854. He and his fleet demanded that Japan open its ports to foreign ships, or bad things would happen to them. Don’t get this confused with modern forms of leverage. There was no threat to “adopt democracy or we’ll kill you.” The threat was worse than death. It was the hideous specter, at some future date, of commercializing the names of famous samurai or their weapons: Ninja, Katana, or even the sacred Nanchuku. May my sticky rice crumble if I’m lying. The rulers lost the big staring match with Popeye’s grandfather, and subsequently initiated a set of internal reforms and an infrastructure policy that would be the starting shot of the Japanese Industrial Revolution. Electric starters, disk brakes, and turn signals, oh my. Here’s how that happened. Perry and the crew thought: “hey, we need special effects to dazzle the Japanese into believing how awesome Americans are.” So they set up a steam locomotive and some railroad cars, tracks, etc. and left all that stuff for the indigenous folks’ bedazzlement. Needless to say, the Japanese were quite impressed by this technology. Previously ingrained cultural isolationism fell by the wayside. Consequently, Japan’s culture formed an envious respect for the West in general, and the U.S. specifically. Western technology was fervently sought and imported, English language was taught in Japanese schools, and some texts lauded the accomplishments of Abe Lincoln and Ben Franklin beyond those of their own native sons. America was depicted as a little slice of Paradise. We could do no wrong. Leaving out a great deal of other history, the consequences of the Perry incursion forever changed Japan’s cultural and economic landscape. In 1870, the founder of modern-day Mitsubishi created a shipping company, using three steam-powered vessels under the ownership of Mr. Yataro Iwasaki. Nikon cameras came along in 1917. 1935 saw the creation of Nissan/Datsun cars, and in 1936 Toyoda (yes, that’s the original spelling) made cars. In 1946, Honda came out with two-cycle motorbike engines; in 1953 Suzuki created the Diamond Free motorbike and Kawasaki started creating engines; and in 1955, Yamaha came along with their motorbikes. After World War II when Japan’s manufacturing capabilities were rebuilt, a reputation arose that labeled their goods as inferior and cheap. This, of course, preceded the Gold Wing (until recently, assembled in Marysville, Ohio). In fact, there was a story being circulated in my neighborhood during the mid- to late-Sixties that a kid was hauling ass behind the Auto Shop classroom on his Honda 250 Scrambler. Allegedly, he hit a parking bumper and crashed, rupturing the gas tank. Low and behold – the gas tank was turned inside out after impact, exposing its origin as a product of crushed American soft drink and beer cans. Ya see kids, there were no aluminum cans then. They were all galvanized steel. Now, all those who believe this story of metallurgical metamorphosis to be true, raise your perfectly warmed ceramic cup of sake and say: “Hai!” Let’s check the time line here. Japan lived in non-industrialized splendor for hundreds of years. Then came the U.S. Navy, ordering Japan to open its ports to foreign commerce or face dire consequences. American technology became revered, and so, too, the culture and language in general. Western advances and cultural icons were assimilated into the Japanese culture. Japan’s war with Russia in 1904 was peacefully brokered by U.S. president Theodore Roosevelt, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for this accomplishment. Japan actually became a tacit ally of the U.S. during World War I. We could absolutely do no wrong. But, the honeymoon soured. A military dictatorship seized control of Japan, causing empire-building and invasions upon their neighbors. The U.S. joined other nations in stopping these invasions by placing a trade embargo upon Japan, whose feelings became so hurt that they attacked the U.S. territory of Hawaii in 1941. Fast forward to 1945, almost four years after Pearl Harbor. Once again, the U.S. military needed special effects to strike fear into the Japanese rulers’ hearts. This was accomplished by the dropping of nuclear bombs on civilian populations in two cities, causing the unconditional surrender of Japan. Industry was repaired after the war, Japan again prospered as an economic partner, and their motorcycles arrived on our shores and generally won the hearts and minds of riders throughout the world. We could damn sure do no wrong. It’s been said that we (i.e., Japan, South Korea, the U.S., Taiwan, Thailand, etc.) are now just one big, happy world. However, I was riding by the Gary Busey Memorial Curb recently. There was a Harley rider doing open-exhaust burn-outs in front of the local hospital zone, causing him to collide with a parking bumper. The crash ruptured his gas tank, turning it inside out. My eyes aren’t young anymore, but it looked as though the tank was made out of crushed Sapporo beer cans. Silver. Twenty-two ounces. Stinkin’ Commodore Perry, anyway. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, may his spirit return to this world as a urinal deodorant cake in the men’s room of the Tokyo Hilton. Hai! |